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To Thrive Today, Adolescents Need To Feel Seen And Heard.

Bikram Roy
To Thrive Today, Adolescents Need To Feel Seen And Heard.

With all the digital distractions, stressors, and the pandemic’s long-lasting impact, it’s harder than ever for young people to maintain healthy, happy, and productive minds.

Teens have always gone through a wide range of stressors, whether it’s academics, athletics, or relationships, but with today’s social media and societal concerns, the anxiety is at an all-time high. We all manage to cope in our own way, but far too many times, kids are internalizing and expressing their emotions through risky and unhealthy behaviors. (and us adults too!) The recent data is staggering. A survey by the CDC published in February 2023 found that in 2021, 44% of high school students reported experiencing “persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness in the past year.” Tragically, 30% of the girls surveyed reported seriously considering suicide, and 13% attempted suicide one or more times in 2021. As a father of 2 young girls, this is beyond heartbreaking. Compounding things, there’s a shortage of mental health providers. The national average is 14 adolescent psychiatrists per 100K students, which is 3x less than the recommendation of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry of 47 per 100K and 1 in 2 parents report difficulties getting mental health care for their child. We must not only provide more resources for those in crisis but also take preventive measures to assist every student in avoiding an unhealthy path. Today, young people are not doing the basics, while we, as a society, fail to cultivate the complete wellbeing of a child including their social, emotional, mental, physical, and digital health. They’re not getting enough sleep, physical activity, nutritious meals, and are spending excessive time on their devices. However, the often overlooked factor that is that they are not feeling seen and heard. It’s essential for adolescents to feel seen and heard as it boosts their sense of belonging, self-worth, and engagement. When they’re comfortable sharing their thoughts, emotions, and opinions without fear of criticism or mockery, they’re more likely to cultivate a growth mindset and sustain healthy habits. On the other hand, when students feel invisible or ignored, it can have a negative impact on their wellbeing. Students who feel unseen and unheard may become disengaged, disinterested, or even disruptive. This can create a cycle of negative behavior and outcomes that can be difficult to break. Unfortunately our schools operate much like our mental health systems: understaffed and underfunded. With a national average classroom size at 24, and the national school counselor-to-student ratio at 408:1, which is nearly 2x the outdated 250:1 recommendation of the American School Counselor Association from 2005, it’s hard for the students to truly feel seen and heard at school.  (We believe that today the ratio should be 50:1). While nearly every school promotes the Whole Child Approach, most are falling significantly short even though the results are clear: happier, healthier, and more successful students are better equipped to navigate the challenges of the world around them. Most of the counselor’s time at school is spread thin, constantly putting out fires and their remaining time mainly spent with the kids in crisis and balancing paperwork leaving a majority of the students under supported. Most students are lucky enough to have 1 or 2 check-ins with their school counselor per year let alone receiving consistent support in fostering healthy habits and tech hygiene. This leaves a lot of responsibilities on us parents, maybe rightfully so. Here are a few strategies that you can use to promote the wellbeing of your child using the “whole child approach”:
  1. Prioritize physical health: Encourage your kiddo to engage in physical activity and prioritize healthy eating habits. Make sure your child is getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, and avoiding unhealthy behaviors such as smoking or drug use.
  2. Promote emotional development: Help them develop the skills they need to manage their emotions and build positive relationships. Encourage them to express their feelings openly and honestly, and help them to develop strategies for coping with stress and anxiety.
  3. Foster social development: Help them to develop strong social skills by encouraging them to interact with others and engage in community service or volunteer work. Encourage them to collaborate with others, practice active listening, and seek out diverse perspectives.
  4. Encourage intellectual development: Support your child’s intellectual growth by fostering a love of learning, encouraging them to read, and providing them with opportunities to explore their interests and passions.
  5. Model positive behavior: Set a positive example by modeling healthy habits and behaviors. Show them how to handle difficult situations with grace and resilience, and demonstrate empathy and compassion towards others.
  6. Seek out resources: Take advantage of resources available to support your child’s growth and development, such as school counselors, coaches, extracurricular programs, and community organizations.
Of course, this is all easier said than done. Teens can clearly be frustrating with their erratic behavior and mood swings. Plus between work, family, and everything in between, it’s tough for parents to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Besides, let’s not ignore the fact that most teenagers tend to tune out their parents. That’s why we built BonfireDW, to provide families another resource to help their child develop the skills to succeed in this uber-competitive world.  We do this through 1:1 coaching with licensed school counselors, and we only select those who are the best at making kids feel seen and heard. (We’re offering a 3-Month FREE trial as well!) However, if you prefer to handle this on your own, it’s entirely doable. To help you get started, here’s a quick summary of our weekly 30-minute coaching sessions that you can try with your kids.
  1.  Each session starts with a wellness check-in where we collect and track metrics every week. This usually takes 5 minutes, depending on the answers all on a scale of 1 to 5.
    • How was your sleep? The goal is 9 hours per night.
    • How was your daily movement? The goal is 60 minutes of physical activity per day.
    • How was your nutrition? The goal is 3 healthy meals daily with fruits and veggies for snacks and lots of water.
    • How was your screen balance? The goal is to use it for nutritious purposes and to shut down all devices at least 1 hour before bedtime.
    • How were your relationships this week?
    • How was your academic performance and productivity?
2. The remainder of the session is to let them feel seen and heard, and be there with them in a place of  non-judgment. Of course, this is the tricky part for most parents. 3. Celebrate wins from the week. 4. Conclude by setting another goal for the week aside from our weekly wellness goals. 5. Check in throughout the week to see how they’re doing and if they need any support. By practicing these habits consistently, you may begin to notice positive changes in as little as a month. It’s important to remember that this is an ongoing process that should be incorporated into daily, weekly, and yearly routines for both children and adults. That’s it for now! Thank you for reading this post, the first of many to come. We aim to provide valuable tips and resources to help raise healthy young people in today’s digital world and keep you updated on our startup journey. We wish you and your family all the best, and please remember that we are always here to support you!

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